How To Get Over Your Ex: The Initial Shock

Sunday, May 28, 2017

If you read the title of this blog, and got a glimmer of hope in your eyes, then you're probably just as bad off and desperate as I once was. Or am. I'm still trying to figure that out.

There was a point where I was sitting at my work desk, with an aching heart and a busy mind, typing the words "how to get over your ex" in the Google search bar. I was hopeless. Before resorting to this, I had done everything you're supposed to do after a breakup. I tried to get my mind off my ex by hanging out with my friends, keeping myself busy with some of the hobbies I had neglected, constantly worked out, and did everything possible to keep myself from lurking my ex's social media and fighting the temptation to text them. Obviously, I failed.

No matter what I did, at the end of the day, when I'm lying in bed, with nothing else to do, my thoughts take over my head and I'm suddenly sucked into this black hole of past memories and loneliness. 

I had this whole thing written out about two months ago, and it detailed my entire breakup, but now, looking back, there's no need for me to explain it to anyone. To keep it short and sweet, my ex broke up with me after a year together because they were too stressed to be in a relationship. Oh, and according to them, they're young and have their whole lives ahead of them and a relationship wasn't for them. I get it. I guess. I don't want to get it. But I do. My ex is three years younger than me. That may not seem like much to most, but you have to understand that each stage of 20 is different. You are not the same person you were at 21 when you're 23. Honestly, you're not even the same person you were at 21 when you're 22. My ex is 21 and of course that's an age where you sort of let loose. Again, I get it.

But just because I get it, doesn't mean I can't be hurt. 

When my ex ended things, I didn't have much of a reaction. I held the phone in my hand (yes, it was a breakup text-turned-phone call), and only said what I thought someone who was getting dumped was supposed to say. You know, the whole "I wish you the best" speech and whatnot. Of course, I only wanted their best to be with me, but clearly, I can't always have my way, can I? 
I could feel tears trying to burst through my soul--tingling nose, stiffened throat, cracking voice, but I held it together because well--

Kidding. I didn't cry because first of all, I'm an ugly crier, both facially and vocally. I sound like a wounded deer. It's bad. And second, my ex was crying and if we were both crying, then it would be so much harder and who knows what would have happened.

Earlier, I mentioned I didn't have a reaction to the breakup, and that's because my ex told me they were thinking about breaking up with me and didn't know if they could be with me just two weeks earlier. They said all of this to my face. I'm not sure if anyone has ever told you they didn't want you anymore, but yeah, it kind of sucks. My ex quickly explained that they were glad they didn't break up with me and happy they drove to see me. I acted like everything was okay and put on a smile, although my heart had shattered right in front of them and they didn't even know. 

Fast-forward  two weeks later, and I'm single. 

I want to say the first two days were rather easy for me. I think because I was in denial and thought my ex would realize what a horrible "mistake" they made and want to get back together. A girl could dream, right? And then, once day three hit, I began to feel sad. It finally hit me that I no longer had the love of my life and best friend. 

Can we pause for a minute so I can tell you just how much I loved my ex? I have never fallen for someone so hard, so fast. Every single thing about them was perfection. I couldn't get enough. When I was with them, I was at my happiest. I could have bet my life that my ex loved me just as much as I loved them. I would go on, but I'd only bore you and probably get a little choked up myself, so I won't even bother. But let's just say, my world became much brighter when my ex walked into my life. The immense joy and love I felt when I was around them is something I hope everyone gets to experience.

Anyway, I was sad after my breakup. Obviously. And my sadness turned into anger once I saw how my ex was out partying and having a good time, while I'm at home, second-guessing myself and wondering what I did wrong to have someone just drop me like that. It was as if my ex didn't care about how I would feel knowing they were out doing that--and maybe they didn't. I wouldn't do that. Or at least not announce it to the public. But that is them and this is me, and maybe that was our problem.

My anger went away and then resentment started to come into play. I couldn't stand my ex. And that's a feeling I thought I'd never have towards them, no matter what the circumstances may have become. It went away, though. Rather quickly, actually. I realized I wasn't angry--just really fucking hurt. 

Three weeks later, I get a text from my ex. 

Read the next post to see how that blew into a shit storm.

And by the way, these posts aren't going to help you get over your ex. Trust me, no amount of words or advice can help you with that. However, I am here to share my story, and maybe you can relate to a few things. I only want you to know that this whole thing you're going through does get better. I promise.